Being that I am a great believer of the above mentioned title, I choose firmly to believe that the Universe will provide for me, and so I refuse to work at things which I feel are crushing my soul in general.

However, seeing that I am ape-shit broke my belief is starting to slowly wobble like jello. I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a situation. I’m actually starting to worry. And I never worry about money. Somehow it always comes at the right time.

Now, my only explanation for this is that I’m not sure what I want to do. I love acting but being in continuous mind-numbing Malaysian Drama’s is slowly wearing me out. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it’s become such a business that it’s tiring and no longer ’stirring’ as it used to be.

Also it’s no longer fun.

There are still many Malaysian directors I’d love to work with, but seeing that the economic plunge is slowly causing wide spread panic, not many dramas/movies are being made – or at least not many that I know of or can be in.

Anyway, the other current project I wanted to work on was something I call The Artful. A sort of blog/art getaway for anything creative and artistic. However my recent foray in the internet world has proved how lowly my internetting skills are. So in a dejected huff, I am sort of shelving The Artful till I gain my internet confidence.

Also may or may not be working with Dave in creating and producing content for various sorts of things that his company needs and does. Wow. That was descriptive and clear. The may or may not depends largely on one point which is: How lazy I am. Or rather how hard-working I am.

It may seem that I am doing a gazillion things at once, but that is just a nifty little cover up to how incredibly lazy I am.

Other than that, college load is massive this semester and having not one but two anal lecturers breathing down your throat and trying to punish you for joining the class late (not very professional I might add) is not very conducive for skipping class to go for shoots (even if I always talk to the lecturer before I miss class).

In other words, I just want to sit at home and watch all the movies I’ve downloaded / bought / borrowed while stuffing my face with chocolate M&Ms. So you see, money can’t come if I’m not actually working. I’m sure the Universe is trying to provide, but having a bag of money just drop from the ceiling would surely be too much for even the Universe (right?).

I can’t seem to make up my mind on what I want to do. I hate being in limbo like this. It confuses me and makes me want to watch sad/happy movies like Slumdog Millionaire (yes, yes I cried like a big baby child). It also made me go: “Oh my god! It’s Anwar from Skins!! Putting on a fake Indian accent!!!”

Skins if you don’t know is a British drama series about a bunch of young kids running around doing drugs, drinking, having sex, being in relationships and other general stuff kids these days do daily. I secretly love the show (not so secret now eh?) and think back fondly of my younger years. Ok, I lie. I was never that cool (not that drinking or doing drugs is cool. No, no, no!)

Oh and here’s a bit of advice from your Aunt Honey: Always wear a condom kids!

*Ok, public service announcement : Check!

Anyway I digress, back to my misraeble, can’t-decide-what-I-want-do life. I’d like to do something that pays me enough to live comfortably every month, lets me go to college and other activities (they’re teaching Indian classical dance in KLPAC now and I’m just dying to join the classes) and that I enjoy doing (actually that should be on the top of the list). Oh and will not judge me if I put on a few pounds. I hate it when I go for shoots and directors go, “Uh, looking a little chubby on screen eh?” Grr! Leave me alone!! *chomp chomp on M&Ms*

Anyway, here are some pictures of how I currently look like. If you have anything for me to do: acting, hosting, anything art related bla, bla, contact me.

ok ta.. oh and GONG XI FATT CHAI!! May the blue / red bird of happiness shit on your filthy head yay!

Here are some pictures from the shoot I did last year for a telemovie called Taubah. Taubah means repent. Yes, I am the naughty, sex driven, beer guzzling vixen who finally realizes how wrong she is and repents, and marries an ex convict 20 years her senior (but is mightily pious) and lives happily in a village.

Haha! I keed I keed. The story line, while might make many roll their eyes, was actually not as bad as I initially thought it would be. It’s just a story of a girl who wants more from life rather than spend all her time boozing and having random sex. Plus in the telemovie I was meant to be sick – all that boozing had left me with a weak kidney. In a way I kind of relate. I had an experience like this a few years back when I used to party a lot (the wondering about how there must be more to life bit, not the move to the village and marry and ex convict bit).

My friends know that I’m not too keen on the booze in real life. I hardly drink – perhaps a nice glass of wine, the occasional beer, champagne (ah champagne.. yum!). And while I’m not against other people drinking, I do not like it when people can’t control their booze – especially when it relates to me.

I’ve had many instances when guys decide it’s confession time after consuming copious amounts of booze (I don’t mean a couple of beers, I mean can’t stand straight, form constructive sentences drunk). They happen to think it’s a good time to wonder out loud (drooling and smelling) why you won’t fuck them, why you don’t love them, why you won’t go out with them, what is wrong with them, how they thought that we had something between us. Uh.. NO! Bad drunk, bad drunk!

Or women who get soo drunk that they can’t stand (why is it that women get drunk, they instantly lose the ability to walk?), they flop onto the nearest guy, unconsciously puke all over them, make a complete arse of themselves, flash nasty knickers. NO! Ladies! Have some dignity!

Or men and women who get all emotional while drunk and one poor sod will have to babysit them the whole night, while listening to their emo ramblings. Or people who don’t realize or won’t admit they’re drunk and insist on driving, or how they never want to go home, or how they keep repeating things annoyingly. I mean COME ON! Tsk..

Anyway I digress. The telemoviee! The telemovie! FOCUS!

Yeah, it should be out.. uh.. this year? I’ll let ya know when it finally shows. Hopefully it’ll be online so I can watch it too, cause I don’t have a TV – well I do have a TV just no cable or nothing. I only watch the Internet. HAHA! Loser!

Ok ta..

I know I’ve been avoiding the blog. There’s just been so much happening! I can’t imagine where to start writing.

Before I start anything though:

Happy 2009!

Lots of love and blessings!

Last year was such a fabulous year. It’s easy to forget and not be grateful for things. That’s why for new year’s eve, I had a gratitude/manifestation meditation. It felt a whole lot better than being out getting sloshed (especially in the morning!) and we could see all the fireworks go off from my balcony. It was funny because none of them were synchronised so they all went off at different times at different places, which made the experience more interesting for us!

The next post I’ll show you how to make a gratitude booklet. It’s really simple and you’ll get loads out of it!

And now I have to have a shower! Night night!

x

So I’m going to New York tommorow.

I don’t think that anything else can be said after that..

I think I’ll go run around jumping in joy now.

Later..

Betty Page passed away yesterday (December 11th 2008). I’m sure she’s in a better place now. I love her work! Love the fact that she celebrated her sensuality and sexuality and the fact that she made most of her swimsuits!

Rest in peace sweetheart. You are missed!

x